one fine day in may
lately. ive kicked that first aid kit of drama out of the door, alongside his trusty ‘proverbial tub of ice cream’ sidekick.
summer. and with the most recent of events ive decided to be happy. and not just for a one time thing.
i guess the people you meet, and the catalysts they become for the overdue changes you’ve been putting off, locked in the attic, may not be entirely what you need. or want for that matter. but. in time. you’ll realize. and instead of hating them and cursing them in spite for leaving you bloody on the floor, rubbed raw and reeling. you’d come to think that you want to thank them.
because. happiness or pain or whatever they may have brought you. you won’t be the person you are today..happy and contented, and finally retired after a lifelong ‘rainbow chasing.’
scenery porn. bibliomaniac tendencies. and lumberjack stack of pancakes for breakfast.
ALL THIS ESSENTIALLY AMOUNTS TO THE FACT I’M NERVOUS TO GET INTO ANY SITUATION WHERE I’LL BE STUCK FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I THINK THAT’S THE PROBLEM WITH US 20-SOMETHINGS. NO MATTER WHAT JOB WE GET OR RELATIONSHIP WE EMBARK UPON, THE PRACTICE OF DOING THE SAME THING EVERY DAY IS A FORM OF MONOTONY WE’RE NOT EASILY ACCUSTOMED TO, AND THE THOUGHT OF IT CONTINUING ON FOREVER CREATES TERROR IN OUR LIBERATED SOULS. WE JUST FINALLY BECAME INDEPENDENT, AFTER ALL; TO HELL WITH WALLS AND CABLE BILLS.
(ha. i wish u_u)
hey dad :(
i’m sorry for everything dad.i’m sorry if i never lived up to your expectations. i’m just so sorry. i’m sorry i didn’t go with you and mom that one day morning. had i known that conversation we had on the front lawn of our house in sucat would be our last, and the kiss i gave you on the cab would also be our last. i miss you dad. :’( i miss you so much.
i never got to thank you for everything. and you weren’t around that much when we were kids because you were away working real hard for us, to give us the life i dont even think we deserve. :( you’ve given so much and sacrificed so much and we haven’t even really got the chance to repay you for everything.
you were and will always be a great dad, brother, and friend to everyone you knew - in memory and in our hearts. dad you should know, people kept coming everyday on your two week wake, even the people who sell you rice and meat at the market, come to us with teary eyes and heartbreaking stories of your kindness, how you helped your relatives send their kids to school, and how you always put everyone and i mean everyone else first before you.
im sorry dad. :( i miss you dad. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. and i love you dad. :((((( i love you.
the calm before the storm. :)
How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!
Alexander Pope, “Eloisa to Abelard”
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d;
mad as a march hare
wow. this week had been what? another roller coaster ride? another heart stopping, face palm inducing, toe curling, lung shrinking, mouth watering, and more of my extreme ridiculous-o adjectives.
with more cardboard cutouts to fuel my madness. wednesday was perfect, a hypothetical hand camera clicking kind of moment, then it all started to fall apart when i started going all crazy again, what? for a guy im not even sure i like.. or just plain obsessing..
6AM 2AM tiny-vesseled callers? fuck that.
wtfh xiv ii mmxiii !
it is absotively, positutely wtfh! why oh why do i have to disregard the woes of my prefrontal cortex everytime i have to have a night out. dear lord, now i am here, actually trying to reconstruct that night of disappointments and unexpected detours. now i am trying to reconstruct his face and all i can muster up is a face of a young boy from world war i, who’s just trying to make his dad proud. dear dear. let me think.